Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize