His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
