It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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