so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
