A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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