I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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