I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
