Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
