its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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