I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
