ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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