No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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