FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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