you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
