my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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