You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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