he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
