i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
