Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
