So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
