Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
