my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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