I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
