those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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