(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Alive.
So much puke
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
