I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
