somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
