Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
