He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Found the puke drawer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
