that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize