The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
