There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
