the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
