Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
