im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
