just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
