if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
