I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
