yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize