You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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