what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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