South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
