Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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