you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
