apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize