Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
