party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
