i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
