So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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