Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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