I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
