I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
