for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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