I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
