You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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