just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize