like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the day after is always just damage control
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
