her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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