38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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