i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
