Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
