i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
