Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Couch. On fire.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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