gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
did i just pee glitter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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