I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
