So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
