I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
