They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
