Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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